Three Little Girls Arrested For Poisoning Their Teacher

Three girls from Deltona Middle School in Volusia County, Florida poisoned their teacher — thereby living the dream of every American  schoolkid.

We here at Viral Pirate do not condone attempted murder… no, that’s bad new bears. But let’s just say this gives me all the reassurance I need to know that dropping out of Rutgers’ teaching program and pursuing my dream of being a beloved, world-famous reporter was a good idea. You know, as if already being a beloved world-famous reporter wasn’t enough! Oh, the teacher in question survived, so our usual, comedic, tongue-in-cheek tone seems perfectly kosher.

I’m going to blame overexposure to Disney films for the girls’ transgression

Apparently, the girls snuck red pepper flakes into a soft drink that Jayne Morgan, a language-arts teacher, was sipping on. The sickening concoction caused Morgan to experience “shortness of breath and burning in her throat,” before she realized her drink was tampered with. Morgan had previously accused one of the girls of stealing a laptop, so this is believed to have been an act of revenge, and you know what they say about revenge. In other words, don’t screw with Florida girls. They will mess you up.

At this point I should probably point out that, being minors, the girls’ names have not been revealed to the public, so beware.

Okay, I really might be on to something with this Disney connection…

While some would argue a punishment was in order,

Tampering with, or poisoning food, is considered a felony offense in the eyes of the law, which led to the three girls being arrested. They’ll be required to carry out a sentence at the Volusia Regional Juvenile Detention Center in Daytona Beach, which many feel is a bit harsh.

Given the age of the offenders, and the unlikeliness that they actually tried to kill Morgan — after all, they used pepper flakes, not rat poison — many, including Morgan herself, feel the punishment is a bit excessive.

I want them to have a consequence that teaches them a lesson. I did not want them to be arrested and go to jail,” Morgan said in a statement. “I love my students. They broke my heart. My career won’t be the same.”

And where does Disney keep its park that is not in California? Orlando — which is in what state? Florida! We’re on to something big here, people!

Now, I hope that all the good little boys and girls who read our stories learn from the example of these three naughty girls and do not try to poison people… that’s bad.


This Jersey Boy's a graduate of Rutgers University, but his heart will always belong to his hometown of Manhattan. And it's pronounced "Wit-2"...maybe, I should trademark that...