Electoral College Decides Donald Drumpf Is Not Fired

The votes of the Electoral College have come in and Donald Trump is still going to be the President. We tried, everyone… we tried to give you relevant information during this election, and it’s finally over.

The turn of events are particularly notable in that the voting went through despite various plans orchestrated by legions of protesters (including Martin Sheen) to get the Electoral College to vote against Trump as, even during the literal election, failed. Like anyone could have told you, there have been faithless electors for nearly as long as there has been an Electoral College, yet history is not on their side as they have never successfully changed an election’s outcome.

Who’s laughing at the History majors now?!

But surprisingly, in spite of all the protests against Trump that appeared to support Hillary Clinton, more Electoral voters defected from Clinton than Trump. Three voters from states that already voted in Clinton reportedly tried to give the vote to Bernie Sanders, which included one in Maine, one in Minnesota and one in Colorado. However, the voters were disallowed after being deemed illegal. If you recall, especially from that Martin Sheen video, and as seen below, many of the protesters were aware that people did not necessarily want Clinton and simply wanted anyone but Trump.

To be fair, they were on to something about that first part, especially since the cult of Bernie Sanders is not going away anytime soon.

Never underestimate the power of Bernie Sanders.

In addition, four votes from Washington, a state Clinton won, successfully changed their vote to other candidates with Colin Powell, who received three, and Faith Spotted Eagle, who received the remaining one.

The only state to switch from Trump to another, albeit partially, was Texas, in which two of the voters switched to John Kasich and Ron Paul. A third elector resigned and was replaced by an alternate, but their vote still ended up being for Trump.

Regardless, Trump still won the 270 votes needed and is set to become the leader of the free world. Now, children, what can we learn from this?

  1. Be aware of the legal complications involved in running for office, like the democracy actually being a republic that does not necessarily care about popular vote.
  2. Don’t ignore the little people and associate with the elite, because the swing-states have shown all it takes is a brick from the bottom to take down a building
  3. Those who fail to learn from history, or, for that matter, Aesop’s fables, are doomed to repeat it.
  4. One simply cannot contend against Bernie Sanders. Even if you win, you have only damned yourself.
  5. The holy writ that is The Simpsons can never be denied. Not only did they predict Trump winning, they also predicted people voting for a third party candidate were just throwing their vote away in that one Halloween special.

They could get away with thinking Clinton, by which I mean Bill, and by which I further mean Kodos, would fail because the Halloween specials are not actually canon.


This Jersey Boy's a graduate of Rutgers University, but his heart will always belong to his hometown of Manhattan. And it's pronounced "Wit-2"...maybe, I should trademark that...