The Clowns Have Invaded The Forests Of New Jersey

Mysterious clown sightings have occurred across the country, whether it be a viral marketing scheme or some new fetish cult remains to be seen, and now the clowns have invaded New Jersey.

It's a sex thing, isn't it?

It’s a sex thing, isn’t it?

The town of Phillipsburg has endured around four reported incidents of the clown attacks, including one involving a child being chased by four clowns who had mysteriously emerged from the woods. According to speculation, the clowns are probably not sexual predators, as their habits of traveling in packs and wearing costumes that draw attention to themselves have both been noted to be rather unusual for sexual predators, but we can’t put anything past that lot.

It is unconfirmed that they intended to cannibalize said child, but who are we kidding, they totally were...

It is unconfirmed that they intended to cannibalize said child, but who are we kidding, they totally were…

Locals also want the clowns to be penalized by state law.

I need everybody to remain calm, I believe our police department is effective and will take care of this matter in a very prompt manner,” said Phillipsburg City Council President Todd Tersigni in a released statement.

It’s a situation that can have red flags, but I believe it’s just a matter of time before it’s taken care of.”

In other words, at this point, it remains to be seen if the local government is either clearly underestimating the clowns or is secretly abetting them. Hey, at least it’s not Roger Moore ruining your circus.

[ABC]

This Jersey Boy's a graduate of Rutgers University, but his heart will always belong to his hometown of Manhattan. And it's pronounced "Wit-2"...maybe, I should trademark that...

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