Stephen King-Inspired Clown Haunts Wisconsin Town

I really wish this shit happened in October, not that I didn’t pull out all the bells and whistles back then. Remember when you were younger and thought the forces of hell were a-haunting right outside your window?

Well, you were right and lucky to still be alive. A clown, known to the public as “Gags—The Green Bay Clown,” is reportedly haunting the streets of Wisconsin at night. We’re assuming that he’s the ghost of Brett Favre’s dick pic past.

You can’t see it, but he’s also carrying black balloons.

Yes, before you ask, people are calling the police to find information about this guy. And, yes, the police are unable to do anything about it. “A person can walk down the sidewalk dressed however they want as long as they’re in a place they legally can be, and they’re not in a place that has a closing time, like a park,” said Green Bay police Captain Kevin Warych.

In other words, they can’t do anything to save you from Mr. Pennywise until you’re already dead.


There is speculation that this is all part of some viral marketing stunt or filming for a horror movie. Given that a filming crew was not seen around the sequence, the horror film theory holds little weight. Although, that does bring up the question of who filmed the damn clown in the first place. He does have a Facebook page, so that first theory seems to be the most likely.

Of course, there is still nothing known yet to disprove him still being a serial killer out to steal the hearts of the people of Green Bay one by one, by which I mean that literally, or just wants to feed on the souls of children.

Nor do we know if he has any connection to the Northampton Clown Terror from a few years back…

So if you live in the Wisconsin area, stay off the streets at night, lock your houses, lock yourself in your room, and get whatever your religion dictates as protection against demons handy.


This Jersey Boy's a graduate of Rutgers University, but his heart will always belong to his hometown of Manhattan. And it's pronounced "Wit-2"...maybe, I should trademark that...