Salem Witch Takes Warlock To Court

My dear, faithful readers. I haven’t been upholding my promise to keep you up to date with all the latest Halloween news, but as All Hallow’s Eve draws ever closer let us bear witness to the ultimate battle of the sexes in a clash of the dark arts: a Salem witch has brought a warlock to court for harassment charges.

Grab your broomstick and head on down to Salem’s Festival of the Dead!

Years ago, in the late 1600’s, a bunch of teenage girls convinced their moronic neighbors into believing unholy witches were among them… and people died… a lot of people died. The name Salem has since become so iconic with witches in the western world that Sabrina named her cat after the town. Nowadays, in fact, modern-day Salem embraces the witch-motif like crazy, and many self-proclaimed practitioners of the craft celebrate themselves down in Salem. One such witch, Lori Sforza, runs a Salem witchcraft shop and leads a pagan church, and she recently made headlines for suing a local warlock for harassment.

Not to be confused with Laurie Cabot… what, do all Salem witches look alike to you?

The self-proclaimed warlock in question is known as Christian Day, and is originally from New Orleans, Louisana. That makes a lot of sense seeing as how its considered to be the birthplace of Voodoo, Hoodoo, and Santeria.

Day in a Salem graveyard at night… see what I did there?

Day is accused of bullying Sforza on social media and on the phone for a solid three years. What, witches can’t work their magic on call blocking? He’s also been accused of cursing at her in addition to making malicious claims about her shop, which Sforza asserts has damaged her business. “She’s being abused, intimidated and harassed,” said her attorney, Fiore Porreca.

The sad thing is that Sforza and Day used to be good friends and associates. Remember a few years back, when Charlie Sheen went insane and called himself a warlock? Remember how new stories claimed that a bunch of witches and warlocks in Salem were upset about it? That was them! It’s like a modern version of Gregory Maguire’s Wicked.

And if I taught you people anything, it’s that Wicked is not the Oz-themed Broadway show you should be aiming for.

[The Guardian]

This Jersey Boy's a graduate of Rutgers University, but his heart will always belong to his hometown of Manhattan. And it's pronounced "Wit-2"...maybe, I should trademark that...