Former President Bush Hospitalized For Shortness Of Breath

Donald Trump was sworn into office today, but he’s not the only American president making headlines on this day, as Former President George H.W. Bush has been sent to the hospital for shortness of breath.

Damn it, I was really hoping everyone who survived 2016 would be rendered immortal or something.

So far, things do not seem as dire as they could be and reports indicate that Bush Sr. is in stable condition, albeit within the intensive care unit.

President Bush remains in stable condition in the ICU at Houston Methodist Hospital...Doctors and everyone are very pleased, and we hope to have him out soon,” said a spokesperson in a released statement. Bush’s chief of staff, Jean Becker, said that George Sr. should be making his return home soon. Unfortunately, the Bush health issues have become something of a family affair as of late.

Former First Lady Barbara Bush is also in the hospital receiving antibiotic treatment for a case of bronchitis. That said, the family’s spokespeople still claim she will likely recover soon, as well as her husband.

Mrs. Bush, meanwhile, continues to feel better and is focusing on spending time with her husband,” a statement from the Bush camp said. “She is expected to remain in the hospital over the weekend as a precaution.”

Their whole nearly dying together is honestly kind of romantic in a macabre way, like Baucis and Philemon, or Pyramus and Thisbe, or Gomez and Morticia.

Their son Neil Bush has, reportedly, been the only relative to visit his parents within the hospital, as Bush’s namesake was attending Trump’s inauguration. The collective hospitalized Bushes watched the event from a hospital television, and so probably won’t hold it against him. We send our best wishes to the Bush family, who might also be trying to escape the United States of Russia.

It’s almost cunning how the Inauguration weaseled its way into this story.


This Jersey Boy's a graduate of Rutgers University, but his heart will always belong to his hometown of Manhattan. And it's pronounced "Wit-2"...maybe, I should trademark that...