Eurovision To Finally Air In America

The Eurovision Song Contest, a massive competition featuring representatives from various European countries, is a pretty big deal.

For some reason, a few non-European countries such as Australia and Israel are occasionally allowed to compete. On the other hand, various European countries have occasionally been expelled from competition, like when Romania were given the boot for being unable to pay fees.

But more to the point, America will finally get their part in the show, not that we are going to be allowed to compete or anything, but we will finally get the damned thing aired in 2016.

If only Obama’s evil schemes to sell New Jersey to Bulgaria had worked out…I could have been a contender.

The Logo channel will air the show’s final round performance live on May 14th. In a released statement, they described the show as “an eclectic mix of power ballads and bubblegum pop paired with intricate elaborate costumes and pyrotechnics, all wrapped up in national pride.” The current contest will be hosted in Stockholm, Sweden.

Now, before you wonder if you’ll understand the showcase, keep in mind most of the songs are in English. Originally, countries were forced to sing in their national languages, meaning that only Ireland, Malta, and the United Kingdom could perform in English. However, Ireland kept winning, and heaven forbid that the Irish get a break in life.

Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen…

So, throughout the years, the rule has been occasionally softened to allow singing in a legally-sanctioned language to permitting the singing of multilingual songs (i.e. the chorus can be in English, but the rest of the song has to be in a native language) to just “Screw it, do whatever you want…we all secretly speak English, anyway.”

In the meantime, we can watch various songs from over the years on YouTube. Which is how most Americans are aware of the competition… it’s kind of cute how Europeans still think they can hide things from us. Given that our target audience is mostly American, we mostly chose songs in English, although the last one is part English, German, and Hindi.

But it is Verka Serduchka we are dealing with… and one does not question her. For she is Verka Serduchka!


This Jersey Boy's a graduate of Rutgers University, but his heart will always belong to his hometown of Manhattan. And it's pronounced "Wit-2"...maybe, I should trademark that...