Ahh, the holidays. A time when you spend time with your family, your friends, and get recruited by ISIS.
Earlier this week, ISIS leader Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi sent out a call to all potential ISIS recruits to join the terrorist organization in their global jihad. This call was then translated by anti-oppression activist Iyad El-Baghdadi and posted on Twitter. One of the most popular sections of the translated call involved Al-Baghdadi’s plea for all Muslims to join the fight.
As seemingly ‘convincing’ as this plea was, many Muslims from all over the world felt that joining an international terrorist organization was not in their best interests, especially around the holidays. Here are some of the reasons why Muslims from around the globe were unable to join ISIS over this extended holiday period.
Concern Over The ISIS Dental Plan
— Jay Zadeh (@JayLikesIt) December 27, 2015
Concerns About The ISIS Training Regimen
@iyad_elbaghdadi Do you have pilates classes there?
— Steve Ridgley (@steveriggo) December 27, 2015
Needed Parental Permission
@iyad_elbaghdadi my mom is saying no. Could you come and ask her for the permission?
— ismailsafrin (@ismailsafrin) December 29, 2015
Online Weapons Training Taking Longer Than Expected
@iyad_elbaghdadi I am a little busy with this Legendary Super Mutant Overlord that keeps nagging me in Fallout 4. No can do.
— Hassaan Munir (@Go_Nawaz_Go) December 27, 2015
Concern Over The Guy-To-Girl Ratio Of The Organization
— Diabomim (@Diabomim) December 29, 2015
Holiday Plans Getting In The Way
@iyad_elbaghdadi I've forwarded this to my Muslim friends, they said it's too busy here with Christmas to be bothered
— Pete Kearney (@PeteKearney) December 28, 2015
The Impending Release Of Prominent Television Dramas
@iyad_elbaghdadi Too busy being part of a civilised and functioning society. Also, Sherlock S04 in 4 days. I can't miss the first episode.
— Boorbuck (@rirezwan) December 28, 2015
The Question We All Need Answered
@iyad_elbaghdadi I wanna wait until April and find out what happened to Jon Snow
— Hind Al-Sulaiti (@hsulaiti) December 27, 2015
And, Of Course, Impending Issues Revolving Around The Star Wars Universe
@iyad_elbaghdadi Sorry Darth Vader is marching through my living room as I write this. I kinda have my hands full.
— Barbara Ilari (@CrowWomanHealer) December 29, 2015
Better luck for your next round of recruiting, ISIS. You scrubs.