Barnes & Noble To Host Harry Potter Yule Balls

Are you still bitter over not getting to go to Hogwarts? I mean, shit… all these years I thought I was at least a passable Ravenclaw, but Pottermore comes along and says I was Gryffindor this whole time! I really could have been somebody! Well, the Barnes & Noble bookstores are going to grant your wish for one night with an early Christmas Yuletide miracle!

At least I take comfort in knowing I’m not some worthless, godforsaken Hufflepuff… their patronus is a freaking badger!

That’s right! The Yule Ball is becoming a reality. Actually, they are calling it the “Magical Holiday Ball,” instead of a “Yule Ball,” because I guess even witches have to be politically-correct these days. Anyway, stores nationwide will be hosting these events on this upcoming Friday, December 9, 2016. Muggles and secret wizards alike can go off and “enjoy a magical evening of Harry Potter-themed crafts, wizarding games, enchanting music, and spellbinding surprises.

Remember, this is for children, so it is not the time to make all your fan-fiction fantasies a reality!

What’s more, 100 lucky attendees will even receive a copy of “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: The Illustrated Edition.” Obviously, “Goblet of Fire” would have been more appropriate, but why ask me? Check online to see if your local store is hosting one!

And remember, it isn’t a real Yule Ball without everyone and their auntie bitching about what the costume designer did to Padma and Parvati in the movie. We can all agree it was a far worse tragedy than whatever happened to Cedric. And if you decide to cosplay as Hermione, the dress is blue. Blue! Go in pink, even ironically, and you’ll be coming out in a body-bag! Have fun!

[Barnes and Noble]

This Jersey Boy's a graduate of Rutgers University, but his heart will always belong to his hometown of Manhattan. And it's pronounced "Wit-2"...maybe, I should trademark that...