Army Of Flying Cockroaches Set To Invade New York

Sure, Sinatra sang about New York and all, but it can still have its pitfalls. Parking is almost as big a nightmare as rent, there aren’t many well-paying jobs to go around, and things are always ever so close to Jersey.

And despite what tourists think, you can’t actually have breakfast at Tiffany’s. If that wasn’t enough, now cockroaches are expected to unleash their wrath upon the state in an event worse than that Pluto Nash movie.

Look, the name came from Hepburn eating a danish while window-shopping… can we get back to Roachapalooza?

The roaches are attracted to the summer heat and humidity. Apparently, its the perfect weather for them to take flight, as the heat gives them better use of their muscles, and they are less likely to fly within colder climates.

In hot steam tunnels, something with the temperature and the humidity encourages them to fly,” said Ken Schumann, who works as an entomologist at Bell Environmental Services.

When it’s warm and steamy that seems to be what they like.” In addition, all the trash that piles up in the city makes the place an all-you-can-eat buffet for our favorite bugaboos.

Still think that whole “they can survive a nuclear holocaust” thing’s so cute, now?

There are two types of cockroaches that New Yorkers should fear: German and American. The Germans are more likely to invade your home, whereas Americans will restrict themselves towards places in your home where water is kept. They also seem to like restaurants.

To think that we occasionally eat them…dig up Rod Serling ’cause this is some ‘Twilight Zone’ shit right here.

The roaches’ evil scheme to kill us all may involve slowly poisoning us from within.

According to Positive Pest:

Studies have found that cockroaches transmit diseases such as salmonella and carry disease causing bacterial agents for cholera, pneumonia, tetanus, tuberculosis and more. Cockroaches will commonly leave trails of fecal matter and regurgitated food that are possible contaminants of food and other household products. Their fecal matter and body parts (e.g., shells) are also well known allergens and may also have an impact on asthma symptoms.”

To be fair, with the right fixings, they  are said to taste just like chicken… just really greasy chicken.

Sure, some of us may not survive, but there is at least one bright side to our new insect overlords. I finally have an excuse to use this clip in a story… look, it was either this or Joe’s Apartment

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This Jersey Boy's a graduate of Rutgers University, but his heart will always belong to his hometown of Manhattan. And it's pronounced "Wit-2"...maybe, I should trademark that...