Apparently, There’s A British War On Easter

Yesterday was Good Friday and today is Holy Saturday. Whether this is a day of mourning or celebration probably depends on your sect… seriously, it’s very telling when today is called both Black Saturday AND White Saturday.

Regardless, the Easter Bunny is almost here, folks. But do we really need a magical talking bunny bringing us candy and presents? Personally, I’m gonna go with a stark ‘yes,’ I’ve suffered enough in this life, dammit. However, it seems that candy companies in the UK may feel a bit differently.

You'd think the UK of all places would have embraced combining candy and bunnies by now

You’d think the UK of all places would have embraced combining candy and bunnies by now

Yes, yes… we had to go through that War on Christmas crap — even here in the States — and now Easter is facing this, too. Reportedly, many candy companies in the UK are removing the name “Easter” from their products.

According to reports, “More than 80 million chocolate Easter eggs are sold very year in the U.K., but over the past five years some manufacturers have either removed the word ‘Easter’ from their boxes, calling them just chocolate eggs, or reduced the word in size and put it on the back of the box.

And I thought Australia was going too far with that Easter Bilby crap. Between this and giving the world Russell Brand, this British displeasure with the Easter holiday probably goes deeper than we think.

And the movie ripped off Juniper Lee’s Easter special, anyway.

Now, now… the British people deserve more credit than that. Actually, the British aren’t exactly happy about this. What’s more, a YouGov opinion poll “ showed that 4 in 5 British citizens want to keep the “E” word on their eggs.” Now, if we can only find a way to convince the Easter Bilby to get a life…

At least an Easter Platypus would have made biological sense…

Many companies, however, deny any censorship. Cadbury even released the following statement:

We do not have a policy to drop Easter from our eggs,” and Nestle has gone on the record saying “There has been no deliberate decision to drop the word Easter from our products and the name is still widely used at Nestle.

See, Easter Bunny, they like you…they really like you!

Like this holiday needed another scandal… it’s bad enough everyone thinks the Easter Bunny lays the eggs himself. Has the world gone insane?

First of all, he’s a boy. Basic biology tells us that male animals do not naturally produce eggs, not even the seahorse, let alone lay them. Secondly, he’s a bunny. Bunnies, being mammalian of the placental variety and all, do not lay eggs in the first place. Pretty sure you need a cloaca to lay eggs. And finally, Easter eggs are clearly made of chocolate, which comes from cocoa seeds, and are not even real eggs. Where does he get all that chocolate…Easter magic?

[USA Today]

This Jersey Boy's a graduate of Rutgers University, but his heart will always belong to his hometown of Manhattan. And it's pronounced "Wit-2"...maybe, I should trademark that...